His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
