I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
