Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
