he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
