Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
