my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
