Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize