he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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