Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
