Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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