I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
