Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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