I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
