Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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