which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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