Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
