don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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