Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
