Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
