plz talk dirty to me
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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