Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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