took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
