Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The feeling are messing with the penis
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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