When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
