i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
