I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pants are for mortals
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
