I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
