I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We are two peas in an std pod
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
