Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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