do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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