I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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