I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
