Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
