Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize