We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
