He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
