You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
