All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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