the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
