I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
