I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
