I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
