all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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