You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
