There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
