do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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