its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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