Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
