I think i peed on brittanys purse
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
