At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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