Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
