Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
