so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
