Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
