why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
