I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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