I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
