You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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