oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
