i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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