Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
