I faked an abortion last night.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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