Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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