my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How external is "for external use only"?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
