I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
