Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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