Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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