just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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