i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
