I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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