I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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