my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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