People in love make me want to vomit
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
