we made out on top of his cat.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
