Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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