just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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