I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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