How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
